Monday, October 8, 2012


I don't know if I should. It says it will make me kill myself. Do I want to die? How desperate am I? Placing a bounty on my own head. What is my reward if I die?... Am I going to die? I will but... when? Loaded with ammunition. I popped one in. It took 30 minutes to feel different. On a scale to low to high I hit the ceiling. Bouncing with joy of a baby boy. Emotions turned a complete 180 while I'm spinning 360 in circles just for fun. Holding these great balls of fire to believe my suicide note is quoted from elegant lines of a liar. Flip of the coin with my desire. Now I conspire. To live or not to live? I become a new person instantly in minutes. At times I'm still groggy and dehydrated. But I thirst for water so that I can pop some more. The new "me". The new schedule. Even sex felt new and different. Every three months a new pill. Every night I reflect as I meditated while heavenly medicated. Feels better than normal life. A spirited high. I think I want to live a little longer. Prozac is kinda fun.

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