Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Mind of a Boo'er

Sucks being a struggling comedian
But I heard it's popping at Bambou tonight
I show up
And to my surprise
It's popping tonight
Crowd is packed
It's a poetry spot
But hey....
A crowd is a crowd
So the guy that runs it has an uncommon name
It's a number, not a name
So I beg the"number guy" to let me go up
He finally gave in
I will take this moment and seize it!
Personally I don't give a shit about poetry
I heard this girl go up
Her name reminds me of jewelery
I guess she suppose to shine when she performs
To my surprise she did
She got a standing ovation from all the women in attendance
All she did was talk about being molested
They just clapping because it's like black women empowerment night
Or something like that
But my timing is everything
I'll show them!
This crowd don't know what funny is
I'll show them!
They call me up
I look perfect
Dressed to rock
All orange baby!
Light beams on me
People that know me know I say "bitch" a lot
Because I'm raw like that
They gonna get to know me tonight
"Yeah that black bitch that was talking about being molested....
I would've drowned that bitch!"
No wait....
They're not laughing at the jokes
They're not letting me finish
I think they're booing me
No wait... they are
I don't understand
This is all going wrong
This spot is Wack!
Fuck it!
I walk off and let the "number guy" take over
It's a bad mic anyway
My turn to boo
A singer with glasses....
This should be easy
He's all about the ladies anyway
He's a lover not a fighter
I'm a leader and they will follow me
Now I will start
But nobody else is booing with me
I'm singled out again
I misjudged again
Turns out he's not the typical r&b singer
I learned he has a bad attitude
He stops singing and curses me out
His language was more colorful than my shirt
He said to me
"I got more talent in my  ass cheeks than you do your whole body!"
The crowd is laughing but I'm not on stage
I finally get laughs but not like this....
So I walk outside
No point in staying
As I stood outside the door
I could hear the singer singing his song
He continued without missing a beat
And no one's missing me
This spot is Wack!
Fuck these poets!

(Inspired by true events at Bambou involving Jem the Poet, Syd the Man, Se7en, and some dude trying to be funny)

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